Mr. H. Hadn’t A Clue: Early Lessons in Leadership
💊 When I was 18, I was accused of being a psychedelic drug addict by my high school guidance counselor, Mr. H.
Our early experiences with leadership help to shape us. It’s why some of us become so passionate about things like employee engagement and communication and trust.
Some of those experiences are good. Some are not so good. But they all build our narrative.
When I was a senior in high school, I experienced some pretty shitty leadership from Mr. H. Mr. H. wasn’t a bad man. He just didn’t know how to be a good leader.
During the “Say NO to Drugs” days, he became a bit over-obsessed with identifying “drug users” in the school. For example, one day we all got a flyer to take home to our parents. It was a list of things to "identify drug abuse in your child." Things like:
✔ Wearing rock band t-shirts
✔ Sleeping long hours
✔ Belligerence/defiance
✔ Smoking
Which basically described 3/4 of my classmates and most teenagers I have ever known (except maybe for the smoking).
Even if these were true or accurate...I did not wear rock band t-shirts or sleep long hours. Sheesh.
Nor did I smoke (that came later and thankfully I have been smoke-free for 20 +years). I was at times defiant but show me a parent whose teenager didn’t give attitude at least some of the time, and I’ll show you a great modern fairy tale. 🦄
🎓 I was an honor student who had never so much as taken a drink of alcohol in my life. I was about to be Valedictorian of my class. So, what happened next was quite a surprise.
One day in the middle of my last semester, a teacher whom I was very close with (Ms. F) pulled me aside in the hallway. I babysat Ms. F’s kids and she knew me pretty well.
“I just want to let you know that today at lunch in the teacher’s lounge, Mr. H. was telling everyone that he was sure you were taking LSD through eyedrops.”
Say WHAT? She almost choked on a laugh as she said it. She clearly recognized it as bullshit but wanted me to be aware.
I almost laughed too. Was this a joke? LSD through eyedrops? Is that even a thing?
And…me? Seriously?
🧠 I do have some critical thinking skills, so I quickly Sherlocked my way into the conclusion that Mr. H. had seen me putting saline into my eyes. I had gotten my first set of contact lenses for my 18th birthday a few months earlier and it was a common thing to re-wet them between classes at my locker.
Gas permeable lenses. Not the most comfortable things. Now I’m dating myself.
🤮 My stomach turned a bit on hearing this from Ms. F. I prided myself on being a good student. This was my reputation we were talking about! But it was so, so ludicrous that I brushed it off as a fluke.
A few days later, Ms. F again stopped me and said he was still doing it…telling all of the teachers that I was taking LSD through eyedrops. Ms. F had told him he was crazy, but he insisted. He was dead serious.
😡 This time I was pissed.
Here was a man who was supposed to be our guidance counselor. He was supposed to GUIDE us, mentor us, lead us to good things like college and life.
Where was the guidance here? He had never even approached me to verify his theory. Just spread rumors at the teacher’s lunch table. 😳
That very day I went to Mr. H’s office. He was not there but his student secretary “Cari” was.
"Would you please tell Mr. H that I need to talk to him about my drug problem?” I was very matter of fact. 😎
Cari cocked her head and looked at me as if I were a little north of batshit crazy. She was a classmate and a friend and probably found my statement as ridiculous as I found an accusation of taking a psychotropic drug through drops in my eyes. But she said she’d let him know.
A while later I was paged out of class to go down to Mr. H’s office. When I arrived, he was half-sitting against his desk with his arms folded across his chest, like a cop about to get a confession from a criminal. 👮🏻♂️
I shut the door behind me. “Did Cari tell you why I wanted to talk to you?”
“Yes.” He paused. “But I want to hear it from you.”
He was so sure I was about to validate his crazy accusation. If I didn’t know better (and I don’t), I would say there was an undertone of smugness. Like, “I GOTCHA!” 🙄
I took a big breath. I was a teenager in the office of a school official. I was fuming inside but I had to remain calm.
“I’m here to talk to you about my drug problem,” I said.
I paused. “You see…I don’t have one…but you seem to think I do. And you seem to think it’s okay to spread rumors all over the teacher’s lounge!”
From there, we got into it a bit. 🤼♀️
He insisted that he had an obligation to verify his suspicions with all the other teachers.
“You have an obligation to verify with ME!” I countered. I was still in control but clearly losing my patience. This was my reputation and he was blabbing this all over the staff room with zero proof. 😡
And what if I DID have a drug problem? Is that the best leadership for a kid who is suffering or needs help? 🤔
We went at it for a few minutes. He was in denial. And that was that. I left with an eye roll.
He didn’t bring up the LSD thing at the lunch table again as far as I know.
At graduation, Mr. H did give me a dozen roses, which I took as an apology. I thanked him and acknowledged the gesture, though it should be noted that he was a florist on the side, so he got them wholesale. 🌹🌹🌹
Still. I don’t hold grudges. I just learn.
I don’t hate Mr. H. I just think he didn’t understand anything about what it meant to lead and to guide and to make a difference in people’s lives. He had no trust, horrible communication, and did not seek first to understand.
👉 Not unlike many so-called leaders in the corporate and working world today.
As odd as this situation was, I’m glad I had the opportunity to stick up for myself and challenge his ways. I hope the next Beth that came along was treated with care and respect and not like a dirty rumor.
⭐️ Leadership. It’s listening. It’s caring. It’s wanting to help people so they can do better.
It is not spreading rumors and gearing yourself up for an “I told you so.”
👊🏾 What is your leadership narrative?
👊🏽 Are there early incidents in your early life that shaped your leadership style?
👊🏼 Do you remember any shitty leaders from your youth?
