The Hierarchy of Office Candy
One of my office neighbors has a never-ending candy bowl (aka, The Chocolate Trough) that sits on a small table outside his desk about 3 feet from my right arm. After careful observation of the consumers of said candy over the past few months, as well as through extensive (ahem) personal participation…I have come up with my own assessment of the Hierarchy Of Office Candy.
Please recognize that this is NOT MY PERSONAL LIST. No way would I ever put a Dove Milk Chocolate with Caramel below a Butterfinger. You may disagree with this list on an individual level, and that’s fine. But for this office building, on this floor, within this team, I believe my observations are pretty keen.
Here are the top 10 in order of popularity, based on my perception of the indulgers' preferences (Note: almost all of these are the miniature versions):
Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Twix, Kit-Kat (tie)
Hershey’s Milk Chocolate
Snickers Peanut Butter Squares, Butterfinger (tie)
Dove Milk Chocolate with Caramel
Mr. Goodbar
Dove Milk Chocolate
Krackel
Snickers (classic/caramel – the 1-inch squares), Hershey’s Special Dark, Dove dark chocolate, Milky Way (tie)
Anything not chocolate and anything chocolate + mint
A few personal observations:
Firstly, no surprise on #1…Reese’s PB Cups are gods among sweets.
Note the trend with Milk Chocolate dominating over Dark Chocolate. Just sayin’.
Krackel only made the list because it just happens to be included in the bag of Hershey’s Miniatures. Who has ever in their life bought a full-sized Krackel bar? No one. It’s a myth.
On that note, I have never actually bought a full-size Mr. Goodbar. But unlike Krackel, I will indulge in a Mr. Goodbar miniature if the candy bowl is out of Hershey’s plain milk chocolate. For anyone interested, the hierarchy of Hershey’s Miniatures from best to worst is Milk Chocolate, Goodbar, Krackel, and lastly Special Dark.
I don’t fully understand why the 1-inch Snickers do not fall higher on the list, but I theorize that drastically downsizing the normally robust peanut/caramel/chocolate combo into a 1-inch square has a detrimental effect on its appeal. Presumably, the larger Snickers “snack size” (two full bites) might be #2 or 3 on the list. I wouldn’t know for sure because no one ever brings those in. Hint, hint. With the fairy-sized 1-inchers (half a bite if you're lucky), they fall appropriately to the average rating of 9/10.
Conversely, the larger Snickers Peanut Butter Squares go quickly and I suspect it is partly due to the larger size and not just to the presence of Peanut Butter vs Caramel (although we all know that peanut butter IS superior to caramel...but in this case not enough to account for this size of a gap in the general population).
The lowest rating category – “Anything not chocolate” – would include things like Starburst. But realistically, we all know that the cherry, orange, and strawberry Starburst flavors might occasionally sneak into a higher position, while lemon should just simply be banned from the mix entirely or sold separately for those few weirdos out there who prefer it. Lemon is the Special Dark of Starburst.
Also at the bottom: Mint & Chocolate. Mint and chocolate are like oil and water…brownies and walnuts…Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart…things that really should never, ever go together but for some reason they get combined. Regular Oreos? Bag is gone in 24 hours. Mint Oreos? I’m gonna go eat some broccoli. Chocolate Chip ice cream? Double delightful! Mint Chocolate Chip? Time to defrost the freezer. Oddly enough, I do enjoy an Andes mint on occasion, but only in small quantities, such as a couple of them on my pillow at a nicer hotel or with my check at Olive Garden.
Thankfully, no one has yet brought in any faux-candies to our Office Candy Bowl. Those would include such atrocities as jelly beans, peppermints, butterscotch candies, lemon drops, anything licorice, those little mini pastel tums, and gumdrops (other than orange). Team members, please take note.
So what's in your Office Candy Bowl? :-)
