The Office Nanny

On a recent trip to my home state of Michigan, I was talking to my friend and former co-worker Eileen over lunch. She, like me, was in a relatively new job after leaving our previous company for a new opportunity. The conversation eventually turned from reminiscing about the “good old days” to Eileen venting about one unofficial role she was reluctantly playing in her new position: Work Babysitter.

I knew very well what she meant. I had referred to it by other more colorful names like “Office Nanny” or “Employee Au Pair.” That’s when you find yourself – knowingly or not – repeatedly compensating for the inadequate performance of others.

It’s when a person you are depending on for some piece of work doesn’t deliver or doesn’t respond and you end up having to do it yourself or escalate.

It’s someone who doesn’t follow the process, making more work for you trying to figure out what they want, what they are doing, and how you can put it all together correctly.

It’s the person not doing their job and assuming you’ll do it for them. The project manager who doesn’t manage the project. The people manager who isn’t effectively managing the people. The person in charge of the processes making it harder, rather than easier, for you to do your job.

An Office Nanny isn't someone who is generally helpful and supportive, which is inherently a good thing. It's someone being taken advantage of, whether the other person realizes they are doing it or not. And the Office Nannies are very aware of what they are going through.

In my limited experience, people who tend to become Office Nannies are mostly Type-A and often women. Type-A because they want things done well, success is important, and they take a lot of pride in what they do. We want our projects, our people, our responsibility areas to be successful and we will do whatever it takes to make that happen. Women (often), because we still tend to expect – of ourselves more than anything – that we are supposed to be accommodating and givers and “do it all.” That’s not to say that men or less-driven people can’t or don’t become Office Nannies – they certainly can and do – but the qualities of the Type A Woman put her in the perfect storm of conditions that often result in her becoming the Mary Poppins of the department.

But unlike Mary Poppins, she is dealing with adults who are trained and getting paid to do their jobs. They are not children who don’t know any better, and unlike kids, they can sometimes be assholes. Okay, I know a small number of children who are assholes, but you get my point.

What we often don't admit to ourselves about work babysitting, is that it is partly our fault.

My husband Sean has a saying: Assholes Finish First (#AFF). It’s said somewhat jokingly but there is truth behind the meme. What he recognized long before I did was that all too often, people who seemingly didn’t give a shit about what anyone else was doing or saying or what they thought somehow were rewarded for their assholedness with promotions, raises, and some illogical level of importance. And the most bizarre thing was, they were often very incompetent at their jobs. Yet no one seemed to notice or mind, at least to the extent that they could do anything about it.

And after understanding the concept of the Office Nanny, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, the #AFF’s had their very own Mary, Marlow, or Marius Poppins covering for them…getting the work done, figuring things out, following up over and over and over again, asking-nagging-begging until finally tasks got completed…and somehow, with no regret or apology, the #AFF’s just kept getting better and better jobs.

I work in an entirely different industry than my better half, but it has boggled my mind in the past how a small number of people who are so bad at their jobs just keep being bad at them again and again and again, yet attain a moderate to high level of success. But maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe behind the scenes the Office Nannies are keeping the wheels turning.

So what does an Office Nanny do when she/he recognizes that someone isn’t stepping up? It’s a tough call. We always want to be helpful and supportive, but the key is to recognize when someone is taking advantage of you or impacting your own work, and your “helpfulness” becomes “doing someone else’s job on top of your own.” Sometimes it’s just finding the confidence to say no. If you’re lucky, it’s a conversation early on to level-set, and let that person know where your boundaries and expectations are. If the person is a true #AFF and in a position of power (making it tough to say no), then maybe it’s time to ask yourself if this is the culture in which you want to work.

Are there any Office Nannies out there, and if so, what are your approaches for finding the balance between being helpful and babysitting?