Trying To Do It All

This article is based on the transcript from the Cafe Grit Podcast, S1E07.

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⭐️ We’re going to talk about stress today, and for some of us, that can get pretty intense. I am not a stress expert, not a doctor, and not a psychiatrist or other professional. If you have severe stress symptoms, please see your doctor or call someone for help. There is no shame in that. Thank you.

A lot of you are in situations right now where you have a lot stuff coming at you.

✔️ There’s the normal corporate chaos – multiple roles, covering for people, multitasking, etc.

✔️ You’re working at home dealing with the kids and the pets and the school cluster.

✔️ You work a day job and you have a ton of work on the side job.

Whatever the case, simply doing too much—without all the other stuff like asshats and process nightmares and deadlines—can cause a lot of stress. It affects our physical and mental health; it impacts our social lives; our relationships; our sleep; even our productivity.

Yes, we are often less productive when we try to do too much.

Today let’s set aside the reasons why we have too much going on and simply acknowledge that we do. And that it can weigh heavily on us.

😳 Learning a lesson 😳

I’ve talked before about one of the contributing factors to me leaving a very stable and well-paying job of 16 years was all the chaos. I had so much coming at me every day and could not get clear priority (too many competing critical projects). At one point I was prioritizing based on who would yell at me the most, no joke.

I left that company, went to a smaller company, but then I went out and self-created MY OWN CHAOS by effectively working a second job doing writing and podcasting and promoting a book. 🤦‍♀️

I didn’t think anything of it. I don’t have all the other stuff people have at home, like kids or aging parents to take care of. And I like to be super busy, so no problem, right?

Two years ago I found myself experiencing some…interesting…stress-related symptoms.

First, I started noticing pain in my stomach in the morning. It would usually begin after I drank my first cuppa joe. So OF COURSE I associated the pain with the coffee.

So I switched to tea.

I started off the morning with tea then I would switch to coffee mid-morning, whereas normally it would be coffee all morning long. I guess I was thinking that by 10 AM my stomach would magically be resilient to the battery acid of my locally ground organic Karen java.

(There will be a common theme of “that doesn’t make any sense” throughout this article. Fair warning)

Around this same time, I started having trouble falling asleep at night.

Instead of nodding off quickly (which was my norm), I would lay in bed with my heart pounding in my chest. It wasn’t beating fast…but it was intense. And I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I didn’t get done during the day—didn’t get the podcast recorded, didn’t get all my social media done, didn’t engage with people enough, etc.

This was all because of the coffee, I thought.

But even when I switched to partly to tea, then all tea, or even nothing at all, it didn’t stop.

So I figured it must be my phone, right? The blue light thing. Blue light is bad for us! And yes, I am a “phone right before bedtime” person.

(I know, it’s bad, LEAVE ME ALONE!)

But I’ve never had a problem with it. Like the coffee, nothing had changed. I had done this for years and never had any issues falling asleep. And the blue light filter is on when I’m in bed.

But. Denial.

This all culminated.

I got up one morning and sat down at my computer to get an hour or two of the side job work done (writing, podcasting) before I headed off to my day job (and by "headed off" I mean, "moved 10 feet across the room to my other desk).

I was sitting there with about 1432 gazillion things running in my head, prepping some social media, when I noticed it was getting hard to read the words on the monitor.

There was a little light flash in front of my eyes. ⚡️⚡️⚡️

It was like when someone flashes a camera and you have that temporary blind spot. I wondered, did I look at something bright?

Because that’s how we try to justify what’s going on. It’s nothing, I just looked at a light bulb too long. I told you the logic would be lacking here...

My heart was pounding a bit and then I started to get just a teeny bit fuzzy and thick-headed. The light spot was still there, not huge, but it was making it hard to read anything on the monitor.

🧐 And it was also vaguely familiar.

Over 20 years ago I had my one and only anxiety attack when I was about to start college. I hadn’t found a job, just moved across the state, was nervous about school, paying for it all myself, but hey! I’m a rock star, I got this!

On an early Sunday morning the day before school started, I was out for a walk. As I headed up a big, steep hill back to my apartment, I suddenly started having trouble breathing. The more I walked, the harder it got to breathe. Even when I slowed down to a crawl it just got worse, but of course I kept walking because god forbid I cause a scene! 🤦‍♀️

As I continued, my eyes started getting this flash/light thing, the same one as at my computer. The more I walked, the more it closed in on me and the fuzziness started.

I finally reached the top and by this time I was super thick-headed. I thought, I’m going to faint right here. First week of school, they're going to haul me off in an ambulance. I was horrified.

Fortunately, there was a bench nearby, so I sat down with my elbows on my thighs and tried to get my breath back.

After about 10 minutes it went away. I had my breath back, I could see again, and the dizziness went away.

And all this time I was thinking it must be low blood sugar. Because I hadn’t eaten breakfast first.

(In defense of this utter lack of sense, my mom had just been diagnosed with Type II Diabetes that summer, so it was on my mind. Hindsight is 20/20 and I recognize now the folly of thinking I could have prevented this with a granola bar)

Later that day I was talking to a friend, telling her about my adventures moving, job searching, getting books, starting classes. And then I mentioned my hill experience.

She stopped me. “You had an anxiety attack.”

🤣 🤣 🤣 I actually LOL’ed. “What do I have to be anxious about?”

She almost yelled. “Beth! You just talked about moving, job searching, starting classes, worrying about money…” All of this stuff that had just come out of my own damn mouth.

😳 OMG. I totally had an anxiety attack. 😳

And now here I was 20 years later. Sitting in front of my computer. Wondering what I should tackle next because I had so much to do. Only a little time left before the day job started, FIGURE IT OUT BETH ANNE! My head was a virtual tornado.

And then...flashy things in front of my eyes.

I couldn’t read the screen for shit, so I shut down the computer. Closed my eyes. Put on some yoga music. And just rested.

Ten minutes later I opened my eyes. The fuzzy lights were bigger but moved to the side. I could read again and after a few more minutes they went away. The pounding went away, the dizziness went away.

I started trying to convince myself that it must have been the ½ pill of Benadryl I took the night before for a rash on my forearm that I'd gotten the week before. A rash which was, by the way, full-on flaring up at that very moment, what an odd coinci—

BETH ANNE CAMPBELL! SLAP, SLAP, SLAP!

You were about to have a panic attack. Due to stress! Dumbass, open your flashy-light-streaked eyes!

I mean, my coach Heidi had to point out to me that I had not taken any time off when my dog died. My fucking dog died and I didn’t miss a beat, I just kept going harder.

So that was it. Message received Universe.

🌈 I slowed down.

🌈 I took some things off my list.

🌈 I resumed my morning walks. Which I had been setting aside because of the time it took out of my other stuff.

🌈 I started shutting down social media at night—not because of the blue light, but because it’s work.

And work is stress. Even if it's work that you love, if you do too much of it, it turns into stress.

I’m still a work in progress. Always. But I’m aware and acting on it when the stress starts to build again.

People. No job is worth it. I don’t care if it’s your absolute dream work, it’s not worth making yourself sick.

I had to stop and acknowledge that the world is not going to come crashing down on me if I don’t get a social media post up or if my podcast comes out a little late or if the goddamn article isn’t 100% perfect.

And you’re doing it too, aren’t you? I know, because you’ve told me.

🖕🏻 Panic attacks

🖕🏼 Numbness in your arms

🖕🏽 Shortness of breath

🖕🏾Meltdowns

🖕🏿Waking up in the middle of the night

🖕🏽Heart flutters

🖕🏼High blood pressure

Stop. When you start physically making yourself sick, it’s time to stop.

Believe it or not, you’ll actually make MORE progress by slowing down than you will by going at it like a bullet day after day.

Let’s enjoy life. That’s what it’s here for.

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All right Camp Grit…don’t forget to check out the Café Grit Podcast for more real conversations about corporate life, careers, the quest for fulfillment, and finding your voice (links below). Please leave a review on the platform of your choice if you think it doesn’t suck!

I’d love to hear your comments, questions, suggestions for future topics, or corrections (except for the Grammar police…you all can just keep your damn mouths shut, no one wants to hear from you).

And check out Where The Hell Is My Bacon: How An Innocent Pork Product Conquered Employee Engagement And Change Management At A Large Midwestern Corporation for the true story of how one stressed-out IT department found their voice through bacon.

That’s all for now, we’ll talk to you soon…and remember: You don’t have to deal with the bullshit, and there IS something better out there. Let’s figure it out together.

Thank you once again for stopping by Café Grit, where the moxie is fresh, the passion cold-brewed, and everything is served with a heaping side of mojo.

Take it easy…